Of all the workshops offered at the Hearts at Home conference, this was the one I REALLY wanted to attend. It was conducted by a woman named Marianne Miller, and she was fantastic! Very entertaining, engaging, and knowledgeable. If you ever have the opportunity to take a workshop of hers or hear her speak, go for it! You will not be disappointed.
Every parent has their concerns for their children, and every parents' concerns are different. One of the main lessons I want my boys to understand is, "It's just stuff." I never, never, never want my boys to become obsessed with having or owning things. This is a HUGE worry of mine! I don't want them to be consumed by the never ending need of more, bigger, faster, better. Don't get me wrong, I like to have nice things and I don't shop second hand stores or yard sales, but I do not define myself by what I have and can afford. There was a time when I was more concerned with "stuff," but that has all changed. I know it sounds terribly cliche, but after my mom got sick, my views on EVERYTHING changed. And after I had Ian, they changed even more. I no longer online-window shop. I don't buy new clothes very often. Cole drives a 1996 Nissan pick-up truck. I've driven the same two door car for six and a half years. It now has 180,000 miles on it, but I have no intention of getting rid of it because it's been paid off for over four years, and I intend to squeeze every last ounce of life out of it before moving on (and paying cash at the time of purchase). We live in a very modest house, we dress ourselves in clothes from Wal-Mart, Target, JC Penney, and on special occasions.....Old Navy clearance. My point is, we try to teach the boys to not be concerned with the outer image. Just because your neighbor has a BMW, doesn't mean that neighbor can afford a BMW. Ya know what I'm sayin'?
So when I selected my workshop preferences for Hearts at Home, this was at the very top of my list. You don't know what workshops you are registered for until you show up at the conference. I was SO excited when I saw this one on my schedule. I took TWO pages of notes during this workshop, and I also ordered two copies of the CD this morning. One for myself, and one to lend to anyone who would like to listen to it. The advice is very powerful. If you didn't get to go to Hearts at Home or are just interested in the workshops at the conference, you can buy MP3, CD, and DVD recordings of all of the workshops and main sessions. Obviously, it's hard to tell the content from just the title, but I have descriptions of all of the workshops if you are interested in hearing more about them. I'll write a better post after I have had the chance to listen to the CD a couple of times, but until then here is a rough outline of the workshop.
All of these ideas belong to Marianne Miller, none of these ideas are mine.
*Don't indulge in retail therapy. - The idea of, "I don't know what I want, I just want something" is not good. Don't allow yourself to to get into the habit of letting stuff "fix" your problems. (I have totally done this before.)
*Don't buy your kids gifts after difficult doctor or dentist appointments. - It teaches your kids, "You aren't strong enough to get through this on your own. You need stuff to help you."
*Don't say "I wish we could" or "It must be nice." - Just say "no." If you go to the store, and your child sees a toy he really wants but you aren't going to buy it.....just say "no." When you say things like, "I wish we could buy it" it makes them wonder about your financial state. Plus, it indicates the money is in control and not the parent.
*Define "enough." - If you never teach your child how to recognize when they have enough of something, they will never be able to see when they have an abundance.
*Eliminate TV, internet, and catalogs. - If your child has to be told, "You want this," they don't need anything. If kids can't come up with a want for Christmas or birthdays, they don't need anything. (I'm not saying don't get gifts, I'm just saying be modest.)
*Teach financial discernment. - When you go grocery shopping talk about the cost of an item compared to other similar items. Is it worth the extra money to buy the name brand versus the store brand? Or would it be better to skip both products and spend money on something else? Show the correlation between cost and value.
*Use a budget.
*Begin chores and allowances. - (This was my favorite part) Make the work hard, and the pay pitiful. The dollar amount of a child's allowance should be equal to his age in years per MONTH. Yes, per month. If allowances are high, a child doesn't learn how to save and prioritize his spending because he doesn't have to. Next week he's going to have a pocketful of cash again. The work should be difficult because you shouldn't raise your children to believe that in life people work very little yet are majorly rewarded. Don't ever give your kids the impression that earning money is easy.
*Define wants and needs - I'm pretty good at this, but an example for us could be...
NEED: We need a car that transports our entire family at one time. Check!
WANT: We want a car with more space and less than 180,000 miles. (Personally, I would like a small SUV but Cole absolutely does not)
However, we are not in a position where we can buy (and by that I mean pay in cash for the entire cost of the car, tax, title, and license), there is still a lot of life left in the old Monte Carlo, and I LOATHE the entire car shopping experience so.........we will not be upgrading anytime soon.
*Use "The List." - I do this ALL the time!!! I had no idea that it was a "technique" though so I felt pretty smart when this was discussed. If your child wants something, tell them to put it on their list. Whenever Ian or Eli inevitably sees something they want, I will tell them we will remember it and ask for it for their birthdays or Christmas. Ian always freaks if I suggest asking for it for his birthday and demands that it be for Christmas. This always cracks me up since he would get it four months earlier if he asks for it for his birthday. After something is written on the list, put it away and don't let your kids look at it again. Chances are they will forget all about it as it was most likely an impulsive feeling and not a true desire.
There was a LOT more information in this workshop! I can't wait to get my CD's in the mail. If ANYONE would like to borrow the other copy, they are MORE than welcome to it. It's the whole reason I bought two copies! This workshop was so great, and I hope that I get the opportunity to take more of Marianne's workshops in the future. She was awesome!
No comments:
Post a Comment