Hearts at Home

Today I attended the Hearts at Home National Conference. I had never been before, and didn't know much about it. To be honest, the main reason I registered was because Michelle Duggar was the keynote speaker. AAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I love the Duggars. I think they are such a sweet seeming family. Anyway, I had the most wonderful day, and I came home feeling refreshed, energized, and ready to implement some wonderful things I had learned today.

First of all, the Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were the cutest! They shared their relationship history, most of which I've heard watching the show. But there were still some funny and sweet new details that were fun to hear.

My first workshop was "Practical Parenting Tips" with the Duggars! I was SO excited for this one. I kind of thought, "If there is anyone who can share ideas that work, it has to be someone who's done it NINETEEN times!" I was not disappointed. Michelle offered some VERY helpful hints that I tried with Ian as I rocked him for bed time. Here are some of my favorites, and please note, these are NOT my ideas. They are from Michelle Duggar, and they are paraphrased.

1. Don't have expectations. - Expectations and goals are two very different things. Expectations are not fair. An expectation is something that is internalized and not expressed. If your child doesn't meet your expectations you should not say a word because it just isn't fair. How is your child supposed to know how they are supposed to behave if you don't tell them first? Goals are fair. A goal is discussed and understood by all parties, and a plan is formulated in order to attain the goal.

2. The three most important character qualities are, in this order, attentiveness, obedience, and self-control. - All of these qualities are qualities you must train your children to have, and you must train your child in order.
*Attentiveness - Teach your child how to look into your eyes when talking/being talked to. If you aren't making eye contact, your toddler is NOT listening. They might hear you, but they aren't listening to you.
*Obedience - Teach obedience as a game. Look your child in the eyes, hold their attention, and in a very sing-song voice, say "Ian." Teach them to respond with, "Yes, mommy," in the same sing-song voice. With the sing-song voice, it seems like a game to your child. (I did this with Ian tonight as we were rocking for bedtime and he LOVED it) Cheer your kids on, and practice, practice, practice until you can stand around the corner and still get the same prompt response. Once your child has mastered this exchange, add the next step by singing, "Ian, come here please." And then teach them to sing back, "Yes, mommy. I'm coming," and then come to you immediately. Practice in the same room initially, and then move around the corner, and then allow them to play with toys while practicing. Practice over and over every single day until it becomes second nature.
*Self-control - This can only come about after your child has become obedient to your commands.

3. You can choose how to react when you're angry. - Michelle quoted this verse: A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger: Proverbs 15:1 This is something that Cole and I have figured out the hard way. Whenever we have allowed our tempers to get the best of us, it does NOTHING but make the situation much, much, much worse.....like fuel on the fire. I rarely raise my voice because I am well aware of this. But if you use your most kind and gentle voice in times of frustration, you will effectively diffuse the situation and everyone will get back on track more quickly and with less risk of unnecessarily hurt feelings.

4. Always discipline your children privately. - You don't want your kids to feel embarrassed by administering discipline in front of their siblings. Always deal with problems privately, and if an apology is in order, it should be done privately as well.

5. "You are what you eat" applies to your mind as well. - If you fill your mind with offensive song lyrics, violent video games, and distasteful TV shows, your thoughts are not going to be positive and that will effect your behavior as well.

6. Have sex all the time. - Ok, that isn't exactly what they said, but they definitely stressed the importance of an intimate relationship between a husband and wife. They actually, very tastefully, had a really, really good sense of humor about sex. I was kind of surprised. But they were very matter of fact about the importance of this aspect of marriage. As Jim Bob said, "Your husbands are going to be so glad you came to our workshop."

These were the highlights of the Duggars' workshop. I definitely got some great ideas, and a lot of inspiration to draw from. When I feel at my wit's end, I have to remember, I am SO lucky to have healthy boys who are capable of being rambunctious. I need to be happy they have an overwhelming curiosity about life. And I need to be grateful that tomorrow is another day, and if I make a mistake that's ok.

I'll write about the other workshops later, but tonight I'm just too darn tired.