WARNING: SAPPY MOM ALERT!!!!!!
When I found out I was pregnant with Ian, I was TERRIFIED!!!! All I could think was, "I'm not old enough to be a mom!" In reality I was 25, a.k.a. not too young. On paper Cole and I looked like the perfect people to become parents. We were happily married for over a year, healthy, financially stable, and we had GREAT health insurance. Cole was the parent who had that beautiful pregnancy glow. He was SOOOOOOOOOOOO pumped to be having a baby. I looked like I could vomit at any minute, and that wasn't because of the routine morning sickness. It was fear that I wouldn't know how to take care of my own baby. Nine months went by in the blink of an eye, and Ian was born. He was the most perfect baby I had ever seen, and I was overwhelmed (to say the least) that I was now responsible for this beautiful boy for the rest of my life. But, I was completely in love with everything about him, and I desperately wanted to be the best mother in the world because he deserved the best! The day we left the hospital I burst into tears as soon as the car pulled onto University Ave. Cole was confused by my sudden lack of composure. He calmly asked what was wrong, and between uncontrollable sobs I eventually blurted out, "We have to take care of him..........BY OURSELVES!!!!!", and then dissolved even further into my intense blubbering. Cole just laughed and said, "Danielle, a lot less competent people than us have had children, and they've survived. We can do this."
Well, what do you know, Cole was right. Within days I was feeling pretty confident in my ability to care for Ian, and by the time he was 3 weeks old, I was a pro. I couldn't believe that I had EVER thought it wasn't the "right time" to have a baby. He was perfect, and my heart belonged to him. No other baby even compared to mine! He was so adorable, lovable, happy, smart (yes, I had never seen another 3 week old who was as brilliant as Ian), etc., etc., etc.
Initially, I thought I would be content with one child. As most of you know, I didn't have the most enjoyable pregnancy. I know what you are thinking, "What is she talking about? Who wouldn't want to be injected in the stomach daily with anticoagulants that burned like fire 276 days in a row? I'm going to ask my doctor to prescribe them just for kicks!" Also, complications from a Protein S deficiency, my deficiency that required anticoagulant injections, can result in some pretty terrible birth defects like blindness, mental retardation to varying degress, the inability to hear. Here I was, with a VERY healthy little boy with absolutely NO health problems....not even ear infections. Did I really want to risk having a child with health problems? Eventually, Cole and I decided we did not want Ian to be an only child. We thought he deserved to have a sibling.
So, one April morning in 2009, I was absolutely giddy. I was going to have another baby! As Cole was leaving for work, I said, "Is it too early to drop a bomb on you?" He responded, "What is it?" I could hardly contain my excitement, and said, "You're going to be a dad again!" Cole looked like Frankenstein had just run through the living room while wearing a pink tutu, and said "You're $#!%%ing me?" I had to laugh, boy had the tables turned. His shock quickly wore off, and he was once again walking around with that same glow he had when I was expecting Ian.
Eli's pregnancy was filled with more "excitement" that Ian's. Initially, my doctor didn't think I would be able to carry Eli through the first trimester because by five weeks my body still was not producing the required hormones. With my low hormone levels, the majority of doctors would have let me miscarry, but my wonderful doctor decided to try to "save" the pregnancy, and I am so, so, so grateful that she did. I won't get into how she "saved" the pregnancy, because it still grosses me out. I was ecstatic the day that I began my second trimester and still had my little Eli thriving in my belly!
Then, there was the time I shocked the $#!% out of myself on an old microwave that had been left behind in the house we bought. We were painting the house and hadn't begun to move in. I was taping off the backsplash in the kitchen and grounded myself while touching the microwave. That was intense. I had electrical burns around my wrist from my metal watch and on the back of my hand where I had grounded myself. I can honestly say I have never had a phone call returned as quickly as that frantic I-just-shocked-the-ever-living-hell-out-of-myself-and-I'm-four-months-pregnant call to the on-call OB/GYN!
Oh, and then there was the night I went into labor 5 weeks early. Talk about scary! I had to be in the labor/delivery room by myself because Ian hadn't had both of his swine flu shots and Carle would NOT budge on their policy which is good. (That's right, I still call it swine flu and I don't care) I was still taking my anticoagulant injections since I wasn't supposed to have a baby for another FIVE weeks, so the nurses were scurrying around setting up blood transfusions for me and the baby. This is when I called Cole in the waiting room with the calmness of someone getting ready to jump out of a plane sans parachute and demanded he find someone to watch Ian and get his butt to my room! So, it was Uncle Ross to the rescue! Ian now had Uncle Ross to watch him and Cole joined me in the maternity ward. My wonderful in-laws arrived that evening to help out as well. Sadly, my parents were at a visitation for my great-grandma (as we were supposed to be) and were attending her funeral the following day (as we were supposed to be) so we were only in phone contact. Ultimately, my labor stopped, and I was free to go home. YAY!
After that, things were back to normal and Eli was born fully prepared for the world. He was PERFECT from head to toe and stole my heart at first sight. Once again we had a VERY healthy little boy with the most unique feature I have ever seen. Eli has a row of indentions down the back of each ear which are the remains of his gills from the very early weeks of gestation. It's uncommon but strictly cosmetic, and I find them to be the most charming, endearing, adorable marks in the world. The only people who will ever see them, are the kids who will sit behind him in class once he starts school and his hairdresser. It will definitely be an ice breaker. :)
After Eli was born, Cole and I decided our family was complete. We had two healthy boys and after the oddities of my pregnancy with Eli, the thought of doing it all again had me terrified. Not to mention 550+ anticoagulant injections is enough for my lifetime.
So, where is this story going? Nowhere really. I just can't believe that we have two healthy, lovable, smart, polite, funny, curious, perfect little boys. The first few months as a mother of two were HARD. Eli cried 7-8 hours a day, everyday until he was 4 1/2 months old. At first I thought I was an absolute lunatic having the boys so close together, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. They are such good friends, and it's great to see their personalities developing in rapid succession so I don't have to strain to remember, "What was Ian like at this age?" Of course, they are definitely double-trouble and are quickly mastering the art of scheming against mom, but that's what siblings are for. I am so glad that tomorrow I will be the mom of two longer than I was the mom of one. To me this is a major milestone.
Being a mom makes me happier than I ever thought possible. The only thing I dislike about having kids is how incredibly quickly the time passes. Now, I find it comical that I thought it was a "bad time" to start a family when I got pregnant with Ian. Then, I wanted to go back to school and start a new career before I had kids. Now, I LOVE that we are in the position that I can be a stay-at-home-mom while going back to school, and once the boys are in school, I will be ready to go back to work. I really do have it all! Three and a half years ago I was being so selfish, that I couldn't open my mind for one second to realize that maybe The Rolling Stones were right......"You can't always get what you want, but sometimes you just might find, you get what you need."
That Mick Jagger: what a philospher! Great story!
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